Turtle Hat's turtle hat / Ka-something

I haven't been too good lately. I skipped my last few lessons, and no one has really said anything at the Tower, cause Turtle Hat fell and I saw Guy die on that island--so I guess that's good enough reason to not show up. But I felt a little bad because Miss Anna is nice. So I tried to do some homework today on the computer.

Typing was real boring, but then I found this art program, and as you can see, the effects are just about perfect for drawing that wavy semi-existence of the prim. Todash Black is deeper than this, and way WAY more dangerous than I made it look. But, here it is anyway, with Turtle Hat's turtle hat and the Turtle of the White and even the path that kept disappearing.

If Eden 1 hadn't fallen, I don't know what would have happened in 1978. Maybe we'd have saved both and had two. Or maybe the two Edens aren't ever allowed to meet, and Ka knew Turtle Hat was about to break the rules, and so it vanished the road from beneath her feet.

I keep trying to think of things that might explain her having to fall. But there's no reason or rhyme to her fall and that's the hardest part... that it just happened, just cause.

I tell you, if I didn't see the rose every day I'd forget there even IS the White. I'm not getting back on another lost highway, not unless the Rose itself asks me to.

Or if James does.

Anyway, I won't ever forget Turtle Hat, and the hard life she had. She wasn't too nice but I understood that. Anyway she was nicer than all the Prim put together, and I'm sorry she fell there. May she find a white patch where the Turtle guards against the black.

=-=-=

Just before we found the new Eden, I killed someone. First James told me to hide and I did, real good. But then the genius came and said I'd better stop James because he was going to get himself killed. I figured I'd make the genius feel better if I went--he seemed to think I could help. Besides I wanted to look after James.

And I did help. Ashleigh got one of the Low Men, and James another, and the genius doc another. I chose one and just pinpricked bits of him away.

That's when we saw the new Eden, so I didn't have too much time to think about what had happened.

He was just a bad guy, I told James later.

But James said there's no such thing. He said they were trying to get Eden and that's bad, but it doesn't make them bad all the way through.

Like Lex! He wasn't bad all the time. I don't know what would happen if James found another Lex. I could probably teleport them away to a safe place where James could sort out what the new Lex was like.

Lex called James a gunslinger. I guess that means James knows which ones are bad enough to shoot. I don't know that I've ever seen him not pull the trigger except for with me though... so maybe he's still learning too.

We talked about the old Turtle Hat, and how she was afraid to have friends. James Cain is, too, cause of what happened when he saved me. I tried to explain the new tet is different than the old one, but when he explained about good guys and bad guys, I realized they aren't too different, just on different sides.

He said he'd do anything for me, even kill the others. I told him I didn't understand that, because I really really wanted him to make friends with the others. But really, I did understand.

Eden asked what it was like being with someone who let me do just about anything. I didn't have an answer. I guess he's like a big brother. But not really. We're ka-something. Not just normal brother-sister. Ka-something.

James and me, there aren't words for.